


You Are Like Little Baby

by bigsoup



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Angst, Gudako - Freeform, Not super angsty, Or maybe it is, Some Descriptions of Violence, and very short lived, gudako loses it, i think, idk - Freeform, minor aggression, not very graphic though, some gore, sorry to all kadoc lovers, this fic isnt funny tho sorry :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsoup/pseuds/bigsoup
Summary: Kadoc has joined the remains of Chaldea but Gudako hasn't been her usual attentive self.When Goldolf points out his microaggressions towards Kadoc, a building tension snaps and the staff are reminded that the barely-mage has seen more blood and combat than anyone else in the facility.Kadoc himself realizes that he needs to do better.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 105





	You Are Like Little Baby

The ragtag group of ex-Chaldea had acquired a new member. Kadoc Zemlupus, enemy turned ally. This was a regular occurrence for the staff, Gudako often brought home newly tamed bloodthirsty beasts that just minutes later had been threatening to rip her throat out. 

However with this new addition things were different. The subpar mage didn’t bother to hide her exasperation, annoyance, and disregard for anything and everything Kadoc suggested. In short she treated him like an unwelcome child at an adult event. Trying her best to be gentle in her shoo-ing but always patronizing. The staff weren’t sure what had triggered this and any and all questions towards Holmes and Da Vinci left them even more puzzled. The servants clearly knew what was going on, and although they didn’t condone Gudako’s behavior they made no efforts to step in.

“You’ll find out eventually.” had been Da Vinci’s only answer. Which was better than Holmes’ humming and “I see.”’s.

For the first week they didn’t find out at all. They were used to battles, the constant surveillance and grueling hours. The team adapted quickly and fell into an easy routine that flourished with tight comradery. As always, the servants seemed more involved with the regular staff than the young master. It wasn’t intentional, but Holmes and Da Vinci were a reliable source of comfort, information, and progress. Gudako was admired by the crew but….well it’s difficult to describe. For a crew of humans to have lived outside of a concrete timeline, to have gone two years without aging, without worldly contact, a constant state of emergency in which normalcy emerged from the most dangerous and intelligent individuals of history. For these humans, they are now forever apart from the rest of humanity. These are experiences unreplicable and in everything but their own memories, nonexistent. To Gudako, the crew is to her as humanity is to them. Frankly, she was a dead person walking and the only people who could touch her had been her servants. That is, until now.

With an introduction of high ranked mages going through turbulence and otherworldly stress, Gudako finally had human comradery. Kadoc was like her, if anyone could relate to her it was him. If there was anyone she could confide in, it was him. But she had denied it wholeheartedly.

Goldolf was the first person to bring it up to her, awkwardly. For his first ten minutes of dancing around the subject he finally spat out.

“You treat ME better than you treat a veteran mage! One of the handpicked-”

“Of course I do.” Gudako is staring at him with a ‘duh’ written across her face. Goldolf floundered at the response before clearing his throat and regaining his composure.

“You! You are a cheeky little thing but you are too stupid to be so callous to new members!” That was his way of praising her, maybe. The staff rolled their eyes and Gudako let out a small chuckle and smiled at the self-appointed director.

“Jealous, Musik?” Gudako replied teasingly. The staff had expected this of course, she was an easy going person. In all of their time together they had never seen her annoyed with Goldolf- the most annoying man alive- or any of the many mistakes and unfortunate events to occure during Singularity repair. 

“I am NOT jealous!” The man huffs out and opens his mouth again to retort but is interrupted by the dark tenor of Kadoc.

“Answer his question.” He looks at Gudako and for once she seems slightly invested in listening to him. She tilts her head.

“What question was that, Kadoc?” A challenge, one that only one staff member knows. They had heard this tone before when passing down a hall. Gudako was talking with a newly summoned servant, one of the more violent cases. They thought nothing of it at the time, maybe a stern talking to about rules. Seeing her use it on another human was amusing. But the tone was still condescending, like she was scolding a child.

“Why do you hate me?” His breath is a whisper. One that, from the staff, drew pity.

“I don’t hate you.” Gudako sighs out, she comes off as answering the questions of a toddler more than being interrogated about her hostility.

“Then what is it? You resent me for what I have done?” Kadoc spat out at her, hands clenched by his sides.

“Hm...resent is a strong word for it. There’s no point in dwelling on it, is there?” She tapped a finger to her lip in thought. Da Vinci was quiet and Holmes stared out the window without turning.

“No point in dwelling on it!? People died, I have been to war a-”

“Now now,” Gudako began, her voice dipping dangerously low, “War is a bit of an exaggeration isn’t it? Now I believe that we all have things we need to do, I’m going to see about recounting our supplies-” She stood up from her seat and began to move to the door.

Kadoc was faster, he grabbed her shoulder and slammed her to the wall. Several staff members stood up and exclaimed, Goldolf began to bark out orders to Holmes to stop the fight to come. The Ruler didn’t move from his seat but turned around to watch the scene unfold with impassive eyes. The staff settled at this, too nervous to approach Kadoc but distantly trying to persuade him to calm down.

“A bit of an exaggeration?” Kadoc growled. “Who do you think you are? I’m-”

“Annoying.” Gudako cut in, her eyes met his fully with a venomous yellow. “You’re annoying. Do you want to know what it is you’ve experienced, Kadoc? What you have decided to term as war?” Gudako grabs the wrist of the hand that is clutching onto her shoulder. “You’ve seen only violence. Not just seen it, initiated it.”

The staff were weighed by led in their guts. It made sense now, for Kadoc his experience in the lostbelt had been completely and utterly hellish. But it wasn’t war, it wasn’t the endless death and interpersonal struggle. It wasn’t gods and demons clashing, it wasn’t the undead seeking blood, it wasn’t men turned to monsters, it wasn’t supernatural carnage, it wasn’t watching people sacrifice themselves for you.

“I don’t ever want to hear you even whisper about it again. I don’t want to hear your regrets and your guilt for your fucking slaughter.” Her hand crushes the boys wrist hard and her other comes up to grab the back of his skull, knotting in his hair. Kadoc is aware of her strength now, as he studies her face he can see the scars that have been healed and concealed with magecraft. Scars that move down her neck and across her arms, remains of bones broken in half and rutting out of skin and tendons ripped from the flesh. In her eyes are the fires that he had seen many times before in the humans who wandered his land fighting supernatural forces to exhaustion just to live another day.

The staff suddenly understood why she would leave the room when Kadoc lamented about the lives lost in Russia.

“You have no fucking right to feel sorry. You have no right to grieve. How fucking dare you even talk about their deaths when you caused them?” Gudako tugs hard on his hair, forcing Kadoc to stare at the ceiling with a yelp. The staff and Goldolf recoil at the sudden display of strength and aggression. One staff member recalls handing a report to Romani detailing your healed jaw, which you had broken after biting down on the hand of a Celtic soldier hard enough to snap the metacarpals. When Kadoc’s hands move to her body to push her away, she only tightens her grip.

“I don’t hate you Kadoc, you are too sheltered and stupid to hate.” No one believed her about the hatred thing. Gudako sighed and let go of him, making Kadoc stumble back and glare at her. The bruises on his wrist no doubt much darker than those on her shoulder.

Gudako turned on her heel and then froze, not looking over her shoulder but talking to Kadok with a softer tone. “Don’t talk to me until you have figured out how to properly atone.” She leaves the room.

There is stunned silence and then a scoff from Da Vinci. Sherlock sighs and turns in his chair. The staff look at the servant with wide eyes, Kadoc is standing in a daze and Goldolf looks about ready to collapse on his feet.

“Can you believe that? I can’t believe it, she’s still so soft.” Da Vinci pouted out loud. Sherlock sighed even louder.

“What else did you expect from her?” He reasons with his companion but his tone betrays him. Tired and disappointed. The staff realize that the servants hadn’t just refrained from stopping you, they were in full support of your attitude. Kadoc was several steps ahead of everyone else, the flippant attitudes of the servants were all too telling and made him shudder. The only reason that he hadn’t been abandoned in the cold nothingness was because Gudako wanted him to attempt redemption. She didn’t think he deserved it or would ever receive it but she wanted him to try. These servants were on her side completely, an unwavering loyalty that came not only from respect, but love too.

Da Vinci muttered Italian to herself, mostly curses. Holmes merely sits stoically with his jaw tight. Goldolf is once again the first person to speak.

“What the FUCK was that all about!?” The question is addressed to Holmes who sighs and rubs his temples with one hand. He would likely join you this evening to do some drugs, maybe he could convince you to let him lay on your lap like he had done when you were traveling through voidspace.

“I understand that you have read the reports, Goldolf. I also understand that you don’t believe any of them. If you want to understand what just happened then you need to first imagine the reports as completely verbatim. And all gaps and inconsistencies in the reports as too tragic to speak of.”

The staff were aware of most things however certain details remained between Gudako and the servants. It didn’t take a genius to guess why. She was a terrible mage, it was her best merit. The reasons for details to be omitted from the reports were not because she had murdered or stolen but because her human dignity and privacy were at stake. So the Mages Association couldn’t target her for reading the old books in the ruins of London. So the incoming staff couldn’t read about how she cleaned out the rooms of the deceased for her mere servants, tools. So nobles wouldn’t know how she screamed and cursed their bloodlines upon every new experiment and corpse she found connected to them.

Kadoc understood it much more intimately, no one was entitled to know the people that she loved and lost and the hours she spent crying. She really had saved the world, he believed that much now. But unlike himself and the other mages, she had no messiah complex or godly desires. She didn’t seek power or praise, not acknowledgement or even someone to talk to about it. Kadoc felt the familiar bile of shame burn his throat. Had he really wanted to be a hero? Had he really wanted to prove himself that badly? She had proven herself twice over and yet she received nothing. No one thought anything of her. Even the glory of saving all of humanity had been worthless, they rejected and prosecuted her. This is why he had hated her? This is what he had wanted? His reason for creating a world where strength is absolute and power is the law, where people died without mercy, was because he wanted that she got for saving the world????  
All that saving the world had brought her, is loss.


End file.
